Childhood

A very needy child, a very lonely child

Wanking down the hill, living in an aside,

Her mind wandering, blank-minded not blacked out.

Memory, Hope, Joy

Fading away, falling apart, blowing off.

She dag a big black hole into her heart to bury her secret deep inside,

But it had no bottom and the poison kept spreading

Into her whole body, irrigating her limbs, flushing her brain.

Rejection became her greatest fear.

Knowing her was hating her, the abnormal child,

Goat escaping in the mountain, messenger of a faded human race.

What she’s told worths nothing and nothing ever makes sense.

She slips in the sand, climbs in the sky, runs in the dark

Waiting for exhaustion but never getting to that point.

Longing for something to happen, for someone to come for her

Life goes on with its brightfull colors

But darkness lies deep inside, mean thoughts, a desire of hate.

She could build no suit of armour, nor carapace, nor shell, nor pod,

The angst remained, the fear, the gloom.

Broken from the inside, some kind of a monster is growing there.

She took loneliness as a painful refugee,

Living her life in disguise, always wearing a mask

Walking deadly alongside the moonpath,

Fearing that she could die of shame and desperation,

Filthy princess in the tower, soiled soul kept quiet. 

Guilt has rotten her from the inside, hidden conviction that she is pure evil.

She’s learnt to be proud of her fake strength

While something inside her keeps on threatening to collapse

But it never does…

Trying to hide her shame, she ended up hiding herself.

For years tears kept apart can never flow away freely

Then suddenly anger manages a way out